Lower

I hope I don’t have to make a third post titled “lowest”. My mood has only continued to go down after my last post. I had a pretty bad Thanksgiving. I almost made it through the day without making too bad of a memory, but mommy dearest came through in the end and made it another nightmare. It wasn’t just her, she had help from someone else who shall remain nameless, but without them, she wouldn’t have been as bad as she was. In fact, it might have been a pleasant occasion. We went to my aunt Cyndy’s, mainly for my aunt Bonnie, who I hadn’t seen in at least 7 years. She had a heart attack this year, so there was a feeling urgency for the fam to get together. Bon was great, Cyn was great, the cats were great, the other two… Well, I already said that. It took me a day to get over the ordeal, and my mother was particularly nice to me for a bit afterwards. I guess some part of her realized how bad she fucked up.

On Saturday my mom was procrastinating doing her laundry, and ended up starting it fairly late in the day. While she was putting her clothes in the dryer, she smelled something, and noticed smoke coming from the other washing machine. She called 911 and the situation was resolved with minimal damage (except for the fact the laundromat is now closed). If she hadn’t been there at that exact time, the fire would have been much more serious, and the whole building could have been lost. This is something I worry about everyday. This place is badly maintained and has a lot of problems, as I’ve mentioned before. Fire is always a risk, no matter where you live, but this shithole does have a greater chance of it. This only confirms my fears are founded, which isn’t a great thing for a person with debilitating anxiety and depression.

We were supposed to move out when our lease is up, but it looks like we’re stuck here, for who knows how long. The “thing” I mentioned in the past, which I knew would happen, fell through worse than I thought it would. We were supposed to have help with it, but apparently once you get rejected they abandon you. Since the majority are rejected first time, I don’t know what help they’re supposed to give. I received noticed today of the letter they sent to the place of rejection, stating they were dropping their representation of me. What representation, I don’t know. They filled out the form. That is all. We were expecting help with the appeal, so this sent us into a tail spin. Without help, we’d surely fail. We’re thinking of hiring a lawyer now. With acceptance for that we’d have the money to at least move to a different apartment that isn’t a slum, if not a house. But we’re trapped here.

And now my mother is sick. I know, I know that it’s just a cold, but I can’t help but worry. My anxiety has been so bad lately I’ve broken through to a new level of anxiousness – manic. I did the dishes and cleaned like a whirlwind, and almost fainted. I’ve broken out in an itchy rash which started in a small section under my left wrist, then took over the inside of that arm, and spread to my right. And my chest aches like a muscle that’s been overworked. It’s to the point that my next appointment I’m going to ask for xanax, or the like, because I need some extra help that my regular medication isn’t giving me.

There are some bright spots in my life. I’m greatly looking forward to the new Star Wars movie, it looks so good. And of course the Steam sale starts in a couple weeks. I haven’t watched any anime in a while, I’ve just had too much going on, but there’s a lot of good series/sequels I need to watch, like Durarara!!, Noragami, and K. I’ve also gotten back into Subeta. I take a lot of breaks, but in the end I always go back to it. I’ve come to terms with all the changes that have happened since I first joined, and I’m enjoying it again. I’ve made a super cute winter avatar, and I’m working on a Christmas version as well. Well, enough rambling from me. I’m going to have some more giveaways up soon, as well as a couple Steam posts when the time comes.

About Megan Lee

Megan Lee, 26-year-old asexual eclectic pagan with an appreciation for Buddhism and Shinto. Japan is my spiritual homeland. Reader and writer. K-Pop fan. Weeb. Asami Ryuichi is my husbando. Schneizel is my onii-sama. My love of visual novels will bankrupt me.

You Might Also Like